October 28, 2007
Proper 25, YR C
As I have sat watching the Red Sox play the Colorado Rockies over the last few days, I find myself tense, elated, stressed and disappointed over and over and over again. I am a Red Sox fan – something I became when I met my husband, Tom. For the first few years of our marriage, I watched and got to know the team and slowly got to know the agony of being a Sox fan. The Red Sox are infamous for being ahead in a game, and the loosing it in the end. They are known for making mistakes that take the win away from them. As I sat watching them last night, I realized that this pattern has something to teach us. The rollercoaster that is life – the ups and downs.
There are so many times in our lives when we are doing well, when we are feeling on top of things, everything is going well, we are hitting, we are scoring, as my son would say – we are cookin’ with gas! These times in our lives are joyous and life giving. They are good for our spirit and good for our soul. However, these times can also lull us into a false sense of security, they can lead us to not remember or not think about what we still need to work on and the things at which we are not doing well. When things are going well and we continually live in that space, we can begin to boast and sing our own praises. Now, don’t get me wrong – there are times in our life when we should boast and be proud of ourselves and love that moment. But that is not the whole picture.
In our Gospel lesson tonight, Jesus tells us yet another parable – this time about a Pharisee and tax collector. The Pharisee is someone that was respected in that culture. To be honest, this is the kind of person that most would want to have around. Someone who follows the rules, sometimes even goes beyond them – and in the parable, we hear him praying in an extremely boastful way. ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.’ I’m sure that I’ve prayed something similar to this – God, thank you for not making me like those people over there, and by the way have you noticed all of the wonderful things that I’ve done in your name lately? I think it’s easy for us to brag when things are going really well – when we seem to be doing things right.
However, we also hear from the tax collector, a person who was despised and hated in that culture. Someone you didn’t want around. He comes to the temple, with his head down, praying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ When I’m in that place in my life – I believe that my prayer goes something like, ‘God I don’t know what to do – help – I need you.’
Then Jesus says, ‘I tell you, this man (the tax collector) went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.’ The tax collector is raised up as the person to emulate - not because he is down and out in society, but rather because he opens himself to God in a way that the Pharisee did not. The tax collector comes to the temple in a vulnerable, humble, self-effacing manor. He comes asking for God’s forgiveness and love.
A relationship with God is about opening yourself to God rather then boasting about what a good job you are doing following God. We are not to play God, but to follow God. It is in following God in a way that allows us to admit our short-comings, allows us to admit who we are and who we aren’t in such a truthful way that we are completely giving ourselves over to God and God’s love.
This is one of the reasons why I have us all say together the collect at the beginning of the service. Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; through Christ our Lord. God, you know our hearts, you know our desires, you know everything about us – therefore, cleanse us that we may love you absolutely and fully and come to know you in a new and different way.
This is a very different prayer from the one that the Pharisee was praying. The Pharisee did not ask God for anything – did not come to God in a relationship or to form a connection, but he came with an update – to tell God of all the wonderful things that he had done. He has not opened himself to God, but rather reports to God. On the other hand, the tax collector comes to God yearning to make contact, desiring a relationship and does that through being honest about himself and his life. In this moment, I believe that the tax collector is getting at a more fundamental question – one that he was probably not ready to ask. He says, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ but his real question is, ‘God, do you love me, even though I have sinned?’
Do you love me? This is a fundamental question that each and every one of us are born with. Whether we know it or not, we ask this question of every relationship that we have with each other, with God and with ourselves. As humans, we are created to be in relationship, to be in connection, to be in communion with the world around us. Do you love me? Over time, this simple, yet difficult question gets transformed into questions like – What can I do to earn your love? and/or Am I worthy of being loved? When this question does get transformed then we begin to focus on earning God’s love, earning each other’s love, earning the love that we give to ourselves, we begin to think that we have to prove that we are worthy, that we are good enough, that we are doing all the right things so that we can be loved. However, at its core, the answer to this question cannot be earned. The Pharisee is so focused on earning that love and being worthy of that love, that he forgets to ask for it, that he forgets that is his real goal behind all of his actions and his lifestyle. The tax collector, in his vulnerable moment, stops to ask the question by admitting fully who he is, and asking for God’s love anyway.
One of my friends just told me a story about her son who is about 11 years old. They were in the church where she is a priest and her children were with her. At one point her son got up into the pulpit and was standing there looking out over the empty pews. She said to him, “What does mommy do when she is up there?” Now she didn’t know what to expect, but wanted to know what he thought. The boy stopped, pointed his finger out to the empty pews and said, “God loves you. Pay attention.”
Our Gospel lesson today is saying just that. No matter how broken, how lost, how low we feel – God loves you. No matter how joyful, how happy, how on the right track we are feeling – God loves you. It is not an easy thing for most of us to understand. I’m not sure that I fully understand it to tell you the truth. But I do know that I came closer to understanding it when I became a mom. No matter what Malcolm does, no matter how wonderful or rotten he is being in a given day, I love him. I love him so deeply that I cannot fully express my love.
In the same way, God loves me, God loves you in that same way – no strings attached. God loves us so deeply, so fully, that we can and are expected to come to God as we are and ask for that love, come to God in relationship, connection and in communion – knowing that we are fully loved just as we are. Then, in that love, in that relationship, we can become who God has called us to be. God loves you. Pay attention.